Praise Report Part 2

Days passed, weeks passed, and it has been a year since I came back into His arms. During this period, I met challenges, meeting new people, my beloved lifegroup members. Each day is a learning process for me, together with God as my tutor. I remember the first few months are tough. Getting used to the new environment, mingling and to get along with my lifegroup. It is hard, because maybe I was an introvert. I don't socialize or express myself much. Then one day, the history came back to me again. I started to feel out of my lifegroup and i had thoughts of leaving the lifegroup, the church and even God. But this time, strangely, i didn't follow what i felt. Instead, there was a bigger, stronger force retaliated inside me. Then i started to remember a topic in the "New Life" that i went to with my first discipler in lifegroup. It's about community. And moreover, a question popped into my mind, "why do i go to church or lifegroup? Is it for God? Or the entertainment? Or is it because of people? The girls in church?" i was awestruck. I knew i won't be thinking of these questions. Why would i thought of these when i decide to leave church? I knew that it was God who prompt me these question. I looked at the heavens, and i cried. I prayed to Him, apologised and lifted up myself to His hands. For i knew without His help, i will fall again. However, praying is not like requesting a genie to work do his work while i watch. Bit by bit, i tried to be connected with the lifegroup. But there was always a part of me which want me to be left alone. I can't help it. I has been living by my own for 19 years, play alone, work alone, solve my own problems by my own. Yes,you might think what about my parents? My friends? That was some problems i had in having trust in people.
 Since i was young, i don't get what i wanted. Often i get quarrels with my parents, but they don't listen to my distressed needs. I have no one to turn to. Being the only child in the family, i have no siblings to share my sadness or happiness. So i will just pour out my sorrows to my grandma. I love her, she is always there for me. Every sadness, every joyful moments. But she passed away peacefully when i was P5. I was desperate. My only pillar of support. Just gone like that. My only memories i had with her is my passion for origami and the harmonica that she left for me. Then, i started to look for support at the wrong places. At my friends. At opinions of others. I joined a gang at P5. Through it is not very notorious, but it is enough to give me a bad record. I learned how to fight, how to lie, how to steal, and even how to skip school. At the point of time, i would just see my friends as my friends. But are they? During P6, there was a hip thing in town, the release of Gameboy advance sp and Pokemon. I am obsessed about that i actually agreed with my friends to get one and share among us. And how do i get one? I stole money from my parents. I kept track of every small details that my parents made, the timing and duration of their market time, their bathing time and even locating their money drawer and the key to it. I studied them well enough to steal it. Bit by bit, i had enough to get one. My parents notice the missing money and asked me, but i would lie my way off. Things go smoothly until i got my gameboy. That was another burden altogether. Since i got this thing, i was tasked to keep it as my own. So i intended to hide it from my parents' eyes. That drawer meant for my granny's albums looks like a great place to hide. And so i hid it for some time. Until, the drawer has been cleared by my mum to be her sewing drawer. She found my gameboy and questioned me about it. I lied to her it was from my friend. Didn't notice anything amiss, she just told me off and requested me to return it. And so i "did". Knowing my hiding place has been exploited. I searched for my next hidden spot, my schoolbag. Things went well smoothly. Until i had a quarrel with my friends. For payback, my friend phoned my mum, telling her i had something belonged to him and has not returned. As i returned home from school, i was dumbfounded. My mother searched my bag and found the console. She waved it in front of my face and asked where did came from. I lied again, i borrowed from my friend. However she is even nore enraged. She grabbed me from my arms and caned me. She has found out that i stole her money to get the console. That was what my friend told her. About how i stole her money and gave to him a gift. Of course, my mother cared not of my true side of story since i lied so many times. Despite that I'm her son, she chose to believe my friend's story. I tried to explain to her, "it was my friend's idea and i didn't give it to him!" My cries meet no ends. I was wrongly accused and yet the mastermind is not punished as i was. Not only that, my father accidentally reviewed to me that I am not who i am, he showed me an IC, my real IC, Heri. I was confused, am I not their son? But the past photos look like as if i am their son. I don't understand. I was backstabbed, betrayed, and now this. The memories i had, it really seems like i am their son. I looked at my mother, with a strange void in my heart. Just overnight, I lost my parents and has been deceived by this couple who claimed to be my parents. I sweared from then on, i will speak to my parents ever again. So i did. For days, i has not spoken to my mother or father. Not even a simple goodnight which i usually did, and days turned to weeks, and to months, and to years. A few days passed since the incident, and i overheard my mother conversing with my neighbour with hokkien. Luckily my granny taught me some hokkien so i can made up what they are talking. And my worst fears were confirmed. "i should have known! I should have known not to buy this baby back then!" the exact translation from my mother in hokkien. I was desparated again. But now, i am really have no one to talk to. My granny has passed away, cold war with my parents, due to the betrayal of my friends, i lost trust in humans. I hated humans. I hated them so much that i hated myself, for being like them. My heart harden each time, all my feelings, my emotions, are locked away. No matter how things look sad, funny, touching or even criticism to me, I had no response. I am numb to it. What's new? Nothing. I started to create imaginary friends, started to learn how to manipulate people. Black magic, white magic, rituals, horoscopes, astrology, even thoughts of killing people, are my focuses. I believe that there is nothing called love or anything related to it. Everything around me was deceiving. All of them are lies. I drew a cautious line to everything. I became anti-social, self-centred. Also i believed there was beast inside me, sleeping, waiting to be unleased. Why i thought of it? I remembered I was brought to a  medium in Indonesia. They claimed that she is a living Buddha or something and she is very accurate. So i met her and after "inspecting" for a few minutes, she concluded to my mother that i am a very naughty and rebellious child. And the strange thing is, she mentioned that I could cause darkness and destruction in future. How true is it? I don't think so. Being alone for such a long time, i forgot what it is meant to have accompany. The only accompany i had were my imaginary friends and siblings. Moreover, i forgot what is it meant to love and my heart is numb with emotions and all i felt was hate.
But however, God didn't give up on me. Slowly He is behind the scenes, planning my paths, showering me with love and protected me from harm. I recalled how many times i would die without God saving me. During my primary school, i had a big hand held file, and normally i would carry it on my left hand, but that day when i returning home, i felt i should carry by my right hand instead. It was then when I reached a small road, it's happened. The road was crowded, and i saw a kid attempting to cross the road, and i followed besides him. But at that split second, a car accelerated and banged onto me. Thankfully, the file i held broke the impact. The kid was just at the left side of me looking very shocked. Somehow i "shielded" him from an accident.
Then there was another time i was in secondary school. It was recess and I hanged out with my first only friend at the fitness corner by the parade square. There was a big tree there and it was always tormented by some hooligans in my school. That day, they found something "fun". They got themselves a metal side of a schoolchair, and start to throw it at the top of the tree, tearing any upper branches and leaves. Worst part, where the side of chair dropped give them the thrills. At that time, i was too near to the tree and before i knew it, i felt a sharp pain on head. It felt as if my skull is splitting apart. I collapsed on the floor, overwhelming with pain. But strangely i didn't passed out. From what i heard from my friend, i was hit by the metal chairpiece from the height of four stories. I looked at him as if he making a joke. How would be that be? Surviving that impact without any concussion or blackout? He told me he was very surprised too. That day I finally felt that someone is watching me, protecting me from harm.
These accidents didn't stop there. I was involved in a 4 vehicles crash (inclusive of a motorbike) when i was going to Tanah Merah to catch my ferry ride. Me and my family came out unscathed. And there was a time i was nearly hit by speeding SBS bus at the traffic lights near my home. The traffic lights showed green man, and as i about to cross the second half of the road, a bus just zoomed past, inches in front of me. 
From these experiences, i felt that there is someone want me dead. But there is always another superior being who is always protecting me. It is as if that He is saying:"No! It is not time yet. I still have more things planned for you."
And so, looking back, God really looking at us, even when we don't see Him at that times. And the little paths we made, He has already had plans for them regardless on which paths we are taking. And that is why i believe of a superior being up there, a God.